Valentine’s lovers experience turmoil

Cameron Adamczyk, Staff Writer

On February 14, love is in the air everywhere you walk. The roses bud and the chocolates flow. The restaurants fill and gifts are purchased. Valentine’s Day is a staple of the American life where romanticism manifests in the purest way possible, and the couples in the middle of the Lambert High School hallways are great examples of what Valentine’s Day really means.

When strolling down the 1500 hallway, every day is Valentine’s Day. The beautiful couples caress in each other’s arms, staring sensually into the eyes of one another. They lock lips and swap spit as if nobody else in the world exists, a scene that is so beautiful it brings a tear to any student walking by.

“Nothing makes me feel more in tune with my boyfriend than our post-3rd period makes sesh,” said sassy sophomore Brittany. “The way he grabs my butt in front of my 4th period teacher really lets her know how much we love each other.”

What no good reporter likes to report is sad news. Unfortunately, some drama has been uncovered, exposing sassy Brittany’s boyfriend as a cheater. Two-timing Timmy (name concealed for protection) was seen grabbing Brittany’s best friend Julie’s butt in front of Julie’s 5th period teacher. The news spread to Brittany, who revealed her big plan to expose Timmy.

“I can’t believe he did this on Valentine’s Day. I thought we were going to get married,” said a teary-eyed Brittany. “I’m skipping 5th period to go beat him up.”

Brittany awaited the arrival of her boyfriend, who finally emerged. His face was like Haley Joel Osmet when he sees dead people. Brittany stared Timmy right in the face and struck him with an aggressive open hand slap with her right hand. With her left hand, she grabbed his butt. She soon stormed off, throwing her dead rose pedals and half-eaten chocolate in the trash, leaving Timmy dumbfounded.

“I don’t really care,” said Timmy when asked about being caught. “I’ll just make out with a different girl in the middle of the hallway to inconvenience people and make everyone else feel super uncomfortable.”