For years, the Prom fashion scene has been dominated by beautiful girls in beautiful dresses, while their dates, if they go with a boy, are expected to match their ties and pocket squares with the color of the ladies’ gowns. The men are expected to be accessories to the women, as if Prom is not also an important evening for high school boys. No longer will this be the case.
No longer will the matriarchy dictate the fun that males have at Prom. No longer will we wear boring and bland black tuxedos, with just a smidgen of color around our necks or on our breasts (my eyes are up here!) Gentlemen, take back the night! Own the dance floor! Be in charge of your clothing and your body with a bold and brash powder blue tux!
Now, I know some of you may scoff at the idea of a powder blue tuxedo. “What is this, Nick, 1974?!” you might ask. Don’t be fooled, though; it’s 2017, and the powder blue tuxedo is back.
The powder blue tuxedo portrays dignity, elegance, and strength. The powder blue tux helped elevate Jeff Daniels to star status in 1994’s Dumb and Dumber (unfortunately for Jim Carrey, the powder orange tuxedo has not exploded like the blue has.) The powder blue tux inspired the road uniforms of twelve Major League baseball teams during the ’60s, ’70s, and ’80s. The powder blue tux went to Prom with my mom in 1987. There is not a single color of tuxedo that has the résumé that the powder blue has.
Powder blue is a beautiful, truly timeless look. Generations of children have been mistakenly conceived due to the undeniable power of a powder blue tuxedo worn on Prom night. Or a wedding night. Or a night out at Arby’s. Powder blue is a staple of our culture, and it deserves to be back in the limelight. It is time for our generation of prom-goers to be brave pioneers of fashion and meninism. We must bring back the powder blue tuxedo.
If you want to truly be a peacock among a flock of pigeons, the powder blue is the only way to go. Do not let girls tell you how to dress. My mother dressed me for the first seventeen years of my life, and I’ve never felt more free than I did when I put a neon pink bro tank reading “Female Body Inspector” on over camouflaged cargo shorts and yellow crocs on my 18th birthday. Don’t let the oppressive, long-nailed claws of the matriarchy scratch your eyes, among other body parts, out any longer. Men will regain power over Prom and themselves. The next step: the world.