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Benny Smith is too busy sleeping to go to school.

Taking senioritis to a whole new level

“I aspire to be like Ferris Bueller,” explains the cool, sly senior Benny Smith. Since the school year started up around three months ago, Smith has missed a total of 41 days of instruction. He proudly keeps his Campus Portal on display on his laptop screen, pointing out the countless red absent boxes on the calendar and his many missing assignment notifications. “You know what? Life isn’t easy with my condition; I have self-diagnosed Senioritis. This being my 12th year in school, I just can’t handle it anymore. I’m far too busy catching up on sleep from the past three years of high school and doing other important things, like binge watching all the talked about shows on Netflix.”

Senioritis is defined as “a supposed affliction of students in their final year of high school or college, characterized by a decline in motivation or performance.” Many students claim that they suffer from such an epidemic, but not to the extent of Benny Smith.

“About three weeks into August, I got my license taken away for having too many unexcused absences,” Smith states. “It’s not fun, but my unexcused absences are now an easy fix. I just get my mom to write sick notes for me; I’m an only child, and she just wants to take care of me and make sure I’m well rested and healthy, so she never makes me go to school if I’m ‘sick.’”

Benny claims that he was extremely upset when he didn’t win the senior superlative for “Worst Case of Senioritis.” However, when asked about Smith, students often were confused. “Who’s Benny Smith?” is the response of many. One senior tells, “I haven’t seen him since last year. I thought he might have moved.” Even the faculty is not sure. “I can’t even find a Benny Smith in the attendance system,” one of the ladies working in the attendance office said puzzlingly. “He might have been dropped from the county schools because he hasn’t shown up.”

An ending note on Senioritis: “This ‘disease’ not only takes laziness and carelessness, but it also requires a great deal of commitment,” Benny justifies. “Wait; forget my first statement. I shouldn’t aspire to be like Ferris Bueller, because I’m far better than he is. Someday, they are going to make a movie about me called ‘Benny Smith’s Year Off.’ Just you wait.”

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