Star Wars, more like Star Was


Morgan Quach

Behold one of the newest creations of Disney, the porg.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi was released on December 15, 2017, the day all fans of the series will mark as the worst day of their lives. Overall, the movie consisted of fragmented, undeveloped ideas, resulting in a plot that was hard to follow.


A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…  

Commander Poe fights to prevent an attack on the Resistance’s base and scores a rare hit on the dreadnought at the cost of many lives. By disregarding General Leia’s orders, Poe earns himself a demotion and a slap across the face. Meanwhile, Snoke appears in the form of a hologram at the First Order to scold Hux for the failed attack and to question Kylo Ren’s loyalty to the dark side despite having brutally murdered his own father. Afterwards, Kylo Ren has a tantrum in the elevator, destroying his helmet in the process.

Back on the Resistance’s ship, Finn awakes from his coma following his battle with Kylo Ren and stumbles around completely naked until Poe finds him. In the meantime, Rey arrives at the planet of Achc-To to offer Luke Skywalker his lightsaber. He proceeds to toss it over his shoulder and walks away with no intention of finding out why she is there. Rey follows him around the island for a while, witnessing his daily routine of spearing fish and milking alien seals.

At the same time, the Resistance struggle to escape the First Order due to a machine that allows the dark side to track them through lightspeed. After following the Rebels into hyperspace, Kylo Ren leads a team of TIE fighters to finish off the leaders of the Rebellion, however he hesitates after sensing his mother in the range of the attack. The other TIE fighters blast the ship anyway, causing General Leia to launch into space. At first she appears to be dead, that is until she defies the laws of the universe by unrealistically flying back to ship before falling unconscious, proving that she does indeed possess the force.

On Skywalker’s island, Rey and Kylo discover their ability to communicate with each other via the force. After being convinced by R2D2, Skywalker reluctantly agrees to train Rey. However, this so called training consists of Rey sitting on a rock and making small pebbles float around. Eventually, Rey envisions a black pit that represents the dark side, and doesn’t attempt to resist the urge to explore it. Skywalker is horrified by this and refuses to train her any further, convinced that the Jedi must end.

Meanwhile on the Resistance’s ship, Vice Admiral Holdo assumes command in the absence of General Leia. Finn attempts to flee the ship via escape pod, but is caught by an entirely unnecessary character named Rose. Together they embark on an even more unnecessary quest to the casino planet on Canto Bight to find a code-breaker who might be able to help them disable the tracking machine. After arrival, Rose explains her generic, tragic backstory to develop her generic, tragic character. They find the master code-breaker that was recommended to them by Maz Kanata, but they were easily captured. Instead, they find some random criminal that, unsurprisingly, ends up betraying them. They were again captured, this time at the Imperial’s ship, however Finn battled his former captain Phasma until she is overpowered and thrown into a bottomless hole.

On Achc-To Rey discovers that Luke had attempted to murder Kylo as he had begun to fear his power. Afterwards, she leaves the planet with R2D2 and Chewbacca.

The following scene consisted of Luke considering burning the sacred Jedi texts, and he is confronted by the spirit of Yoda, who takes the matter into his own hands by summoning a lighting bolt from the sky. Rey is somehow imprisoned by Kylo and reported to Snoke, who is then chopped in half by the angsty teen himself. The guards, on the other hand, are not defeated so easily, and they engage in an epic battle until none remain. Of course, Kylo had not yet given up on his dreams of becoming Darth Vader, and asked Rey to join him on the dark side and rule the galaxy. And of course, she refuses because that’s the whole point of Star Wars.

Following Finn and Rose’s escape, they join forces with what’s left of the Resistance to defend against Kylo’s posse of walkers. Realizing that they were at a loss, Finn prepares to sacrifice himself to destroy the cannon- that is until Rose rams her ship into his, causing them both to catapult off-course. Then they engage in a cliche scene in which Rose confesses her love for him before going unconscious, creating a completely unnecessary and irrelevant love triangle. As the cannon is fired, Luke appears out of thin air, and bids his sister a final goodbye. He walks out into the field, providing a distraction for the Rebels to escape. Kylo orders him to be blasted by the walkers, but when that proves ineffective, he faces him himself. The master and apprentice battle until Kylo delivers what would have been a fatal blow, only to discover that Luke is merely a holographic image. His physical body still resides in Achc-To, where he becomes one with the Force.


In relation to the original six, The Last Jedi failed to further develop the galaxy, poorly portrayed the characters, and more or less ruined the entire series beyond the point of repair. First off, Disney has driven the story off-course entirely. Chronologically, the original purpose of Star Wars was the life and tragedy of Anakin Skywalker and the continuation of his legacy by his son Luke. With Rey’s lack of Skywalker blood, the line ends apart from Kylo Ren, who has succumbed to evil in the attempt of being a wanna-be Darth Vader. Not to mention, the previous episode gained the audience’s interest in Rey’s parental relations, which was then shot down immediately by the anticlimactic reveal of her nonexistent parents. Instead of focusing on Rey’s quest to preserve the Jedi, the movie was centered more around the downgraded battle between the Imperials without command and the remaining Rebels.

Characters who were reintroduced into the series were not given justice, as they were not portrayed in the same manner as the previous movies. For example, Luke was characterized as a hermit and a coward, as the rest of his life was spent on Anch-To running from reality. At his time of redemption, he went up against his old apprentice Kylo Ren, however it turns out that he is actually still on Anch-To, wasting his life away. He then proceeded to collapse from his expended energy and dissolved into dust. The once great hero was reduced to nothing but a recluse, and died in solitude. 

Furthermore, Disney has further transformed the Star Wars universe into a more aesthetic approach by denying George Lucas’ style. Of course, they kept the yellow text, transitions, and most of the music, however they did not adhere to the original creature designs. Previously, the species found on planets such as Tatooine, Naboo, Kashyyyk, and Endor were all given a grotesque appearance. The new alien species such as the porg, fathiers, vulptices, and caretakers do not follow the same style, and appear much more composed. Only the caretakers somewhat mimic the jawa or ewoks as they are their own private civilization and possess similar characteristics.

The alien seals referred to as Thala-sirens are another point in itself. Although they closely resemble many other creatures in Star Wars such as the Toydarian, it was introduced during what might have been the strangest scene in Star Wars yet, in which Luke takes a swig of the animal’s milk. This further supports the fact that Disney has overwritten the expressions of the original script by replacing their witty jokes executed by Obi-Wan, Luke, or Han Solo, and instead resorted to cheap humor. Also, with the new branding, the target audience is unclear. Most Disney movies are directed towards younger viewers, however the majority of Star Wars fans are adults who grew up watching the initial trilogy. Therefore, catchpenny content is ineffective.

With the death of the founding trio, the continuation of the series relies on the shallow personalities of Rey, Finn, and Poe. Hopefully the following episode will provide more depth to their characters and expand the galaxy. If all else fails, at least Han Solo is gracing the theatres May 25, 2018.