With Georgia Doom’s Day among us, snow dusted the yards of our suburban homes and iced over the pavement of our shrubbery-lined walkways… the perils of slipping has been upon us. The other day, during the uni-ice-pocalypse, I faced many traumatizing near-death experiences. From lack of sleep due to the necessity of waking up early to heat up my car, to the detriment of ItsLearning on my learning process, I simply do not know how I, nor anyone else, has truly survived these trying times in Forsyth County.

Forget this horrible time of doom, it’s almost like the weather is taunting us. I mean, at least be like Russia, go big or go home. -50 degrees? Thanks for being decisive, little town in Russia Oymyakon. Like, gosh, I bet they at least had more days off of school. Are they lucky or what? I’m sitting here with a borderline frozen vehicle, why not go all the way? Bring it on ice.

Oh, and not to mention it looks like powdered sugar. Powdered sugar! Imagine, all of the weight watchers of John’s Creek and Suwanee, the poor things. It’s like their diets are being threatened as we speak. I guess the patches of ice on the road was a blessing in disguise, no fast food runs from the cravings this time. I bet those snowed in people don’t even count calories.

Don’t even get me started on New Jersey, guess who isn’t getting to their tanning beds? How cool is it that they got all that flooding? I mean, hello. Fresh water was, like, everywhere. Anyway, Winter Storm Jonas is basically a joke. If he’s not part of that band with those brothers, I don’t even want to hear it. I’m sure lots of pre-teens were triggered by this insensitive naming of a storm that threatens diets everywhere, everyone knows their break up was absolutely devestating. You don’t see Russia doing this, do you? They have appropriate names like Norilsk. Now that’s a real snowpocalypse. You go, Russia.

And remember the survival necessities guys… Eggs, milk and bread.