Top advice to underclassmen from Seniors

It’s been a triumphant four years for seniors. When you look around, it is clear that the Class of 2017 dominates the school. The knowledge accumulated over the course of their illustrious high school careers, it is, quite frankly, selfish for us to not share with our predecessors. So, as the underclassmen proceed, here is a handy list of all the things that the upperclassmen have perfected over the course of our four years at Lambert.

1- Don’t stop walking when you’re in the hallway

You would think this is self-explanatory, yet there is inevitably a group of students who decide that their unimportant conversation is crucial enough to halt the hundreds of students walking in the same direction. This selfishness is nearly unparalleled in the real world.

If you have ever ventured to a place like New York, you know that the streets are like Lambert on a grand scale. Thousands of people are trying to get to a location as fast as they can. The flow of traffic is dictated and the second somebody stops, they get pushed or scorned. In a similar way, people who stop in the middle of the hallway get silently scorned, but the general politeness of the other students work around them.

The bottom line is, talk when it is most convenient for everyone else.

2- Every year of high school matters

There’s an old folk lure about deciding when to put the most effort in throughout high school. The story goes that freshman year doesn’t matter and that junior year it the hardest and most important year. Here’s the bottom line—every year matters as much as every other year. That’s right, kiddos, you have to try in every year of high school if you want to get into the college of your dreams.

Do you think Sally Smartypants is sitting in her freshman biology class aiming for anything lower than an A? Sally has what it takes to get into an Ivy league school, but your lazy butt is slacking in Human Geography, dooming your chances of the Harvard acceptance.

Every quiz grade matters. Every test grade matters. It all matters when you send your transcript to the school that quickly became your dream school after realizing a 4.5 GPA wasn’t the route for you.

3- In order to not act like a freshman, act like a freshman to the extreme

One of the first things freshman will participate in is the freshman assembly. They draw all the kiddos into the gymnasium and give a lecture about getting involved and “not acting like a freshman.”

The secret to achieving the perfect camouflage is to act so much like a freshman that nobody could possibly think a freshman could be that much of a freshman. Make yourself a walking satire. When sitting in the classroom, make hilarious farting noises. When in gym class, make sure to get as smelly as humanly possible and not shower or put on deodorant. (If anything, spray some Axe all over your body.) Nobody could conceive a freshman acting that stupid.

The list of advice goes on and on. High school is a jungle, and you’re just prey waiting to be consumed by the waiting predators.